Lost and Found

2019. I know the year is not over yet but it’s been a big year and I just wanted to write a recap now. Who says you have to wait till the end of the year to do one anyway. And if that’s a rule, sorry not sorry for breaking it. Ha Anyway 2019 felt like a very long year. So much happened that I can’t believe it all was just in 12 months. To me, this year felt like it was the year that I lost myself, but also the year I found parts of myself. Though the year started … Continue reading Lost and Found

Words.

This season I am in has rocked me in many ways, and a lot of things I use to love, I no longer enjoy. One of which is writing. Whether that was on this blog, on my insta captions, or just journalling, I no longer could string words together. And I’ve just really miss being able to write. I miss the way I was able to just release my emotions and thoughts through words, I miss the way writing had come easy. I wish I could say it’s changed and that I’m now in a place that my love for … Continue reading Words.

Nights

I don’t know what about them but I find them the hardest when I’m in a depression hole, or when I’m sick, or when I have an event coming up that is causing my to be super anxious. For some reason, the days are bearable and are manageable to get through, but when it comes to night something switches in my brain. All of a sudden I’m struggling, my thoughts go on a rampage and rest is just hard to do. Holding on seems impossible, my motivation to get through the darkness goes out the window, and the ability to … Continue reading Nights

Feb Favs

February was a real hard month for me. It tested my faith and rocked my emotional health. As such, I did a lot of online shopping to just reward myself for each little victory. I thought about writing what I learn from the struggles, but at the moment I’m still processing it so I thought for the interim, I’ll share my favourite buys of the month, which have been separated into 2 categories: home + health and craft + books. Home + Health Electric Throw Blanket My first experience with a heated blanket was when I was in Seattle visiting … Continue reading Feb Favs

Six months

It feels like it was just yesterday but it also feels like it’s been forever. The pain is still raw and I’m still coming to terms with all of this. I always thought time will make it easier but realising that as time goes on, it is actually getting harder to accept this reality. I’m not one that usually counts the months but it’s been 6 months since I last heard from you, since I got a text from you, since I saw your smile, since I had any sort of interaction with you. Six whole months since you had … Continue reading Six months

Words for friends.

A few weeks ago, I decided that I’m going to start a “just because” gift series, where each week I give them a foil art piece of words just because. The following little ‘poems’ are what I wrote for friends and how I would describe them, as part of this series. A.S xx She is the sunshine that breaks through the greyest of skies and beauty that radiates from the inside out. Her smile warms up the dullest of rooms and her words bring joy, hope and life to all. She is a gentle soul that cares deeply and is … Continue reading Words for friends.

My Sam.

Sam, oh how I miss you. The last few weeks has been hard, more so than others. I miss you in this Christmas season. There is so many things that remind me of you and so many things I want to share with you. But sadly I can’t. It’s been 2 years and 2 weeks since I last saw you in person and that reminder on facebook of that memory broke my heart. It brought back so many feelings that I wasn’t expecting and oh I still can’t believe you’re gone. My heart just longs to hear your voice one … Continue reading My Sam.

Reminders when you are going through grief.

One month since one of my best friend passed away quite suddenly from an autoimmune disease. One month since I lost my support go to person, who was always there for me and understood my challenges with depression and anxiety like no other. One month since walking through this grief journey.  It’s been one very hard and long month. I’ve yet to still figure out how to do this grief journey well but I have learnt 5 things (+1 if you believe in Jesus) that I want to remind anyone else that’s also grieving a loss. Grief is unique. Everyone … Continue reading Reminders when you are going through grief.

The waves of grief.

Grief. I knew it would hit me one day but just never knew it would be now. My psychologist asked me a few weeks ago how I think I would handle you passing away if it came to that, and I told her I don’t know. I knew it would affect me because you were one of my best friend but I also thought I wouldn’t feel it this soon and be in denial because we lived in different states. But boy have I been wrong. There has not been a day gone by where I have not thought about … Continue reading The waves of grief.