The rollercoaster ride of recovery.

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It’s so frustrating to be in a valley phase of this recovery journey again. It came so unexpected with no warnings or reasoning. It started off with one day of numb and bleak feelings, which I thought it’ll go away, because it’s normal to have bad days. However it continued, from one day it became a week of just flatness. No matter what I did, it was just there. I don’t know what brought it on or why I’m in it again, but it’s frustrating as hell to be in this position again. I hate it so much. So here I am back at it yet again, trying to get myself out of this hole.

But I’ve learnt some things during this rollercoaster ride. I’ve realised that it can suck you back in so fast. It can feel like months and years of hardworking to manage it, goes to waste in a split second. And the way back in is so much faster and quicker then the way back out. What takes a moment to be back in a hole can take days and months to climb back out. But because I’ve been in this journey for awhile, I’m realising I’m better to pick up the warning signs, the red lights that is telling me that this is not normal. I’m quicker at reaching out for help and talking about it. I’m learning skills to handle it better each time and to make sure I’m not in this hole as long as I was before. I don’t say I have these skills down perfect and know how to have a 100 percent success rate each time, but what I do know is that I’m getting better each time. I’m improving and equipping myself better each time, and I’m hoping that one day this will not be my current and constant battle.

So all this is to say, if you’re in it like me, don’t give up. Keep going even if you can’t see the progress. You are getting better, you are getting stronger and you are so loved and valued. I’ll end it with a reminder that my trainer told me today that brought perspective back for me:  “You are not your depression. It doesn’t define you, depression is just what you’re dealing with, but it is not you.”

Lots of love, Jasmine xx.


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