A letter of thanks

2 years ago I moved to a new city. 2 years ago I did not have the comfort of my family and the friends I grew up with. 2 years ago I had to start making new friends and relationship and create a new community for myself. In this two years, I also started having depression and anxiety. To deal with this all alone was hard, and to make friends while dealing with this was even harder. But I’m so thankful for those who met me at my lowest and befriended me. So this is a letter of gratitude to them. To … Continue reading A letter of thanks

Autoimmune disease and mental illness.

I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for about 2 years now, which most of my friends know. However what most do not know is that 1 year ago, I was also diagnosed with disordered eating // an Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) that was a result of my depression. On top of all that, as of 5 months ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder of my thyroid called Graves Disease. I’m still new to my overactive thyroid, however I’ve had the symptoms for a few months now. It’s tough dealing with both a physical illness and a … Continue reading Autoimmune disease and mental illness.

Raw moments.

Raw moment // This past semester because of a certain subject I was reminded of some memories of my last year that I’ve tried to hide. I could not figure out why talking about depression and suicidal thoughts affected me so much. And it was only during this break that I realised the reason. When my friend found out I was taking medications for depression, I had the sudden urge to gloss over it, to hide it and make it sound like it was nothing. And it was then when I had an inkling maybe it was shame that I … Continue reading Raw moments.

Christian with depression.

I’ve been wanting to write this for awhile now but never felt comfortable or ready to.  It was only up until this week that I’m able to write this and I’m finally ready to speak up and just be open about my journey, so here I am with my first piece. I’ve dealt with and I think I still am, with depression for almost 2 years now. This isn’t my first time dealing with it, (the first time lasted for about 3 years back in high school), but this is the first time I got help from counsellors and psychologists … Continue reading Christian with depression.

It’s okay to not know.

Plans. Goals. Dreams. All something very common to us and something that society seems to wants us to figure out by the time we finish studying/during our studies. And honestly I have them but they’re not concrete and I don’t have it all sorted yet. So when came I back to Melbourne for my 2 weeks break before my 3rd and final year starts, I honestly did not expect to get question about what I will do after, what my plans are, whether I’ll stay in Sydney or move back. But oh I was so wrong since everyone I saw … Continue reading It’s okay to not know.

The fine line.

I don’t know about you but I have trouble practising self-care. Lately since the low of depression has made it’s way back into my life, I’ve been afraid of taking days off because I wasn’t feeling good. I was afraid that if I took a day off and did things to make me feel better, that I would lose the motivation to do anything the next few days and make the depression worse than before. But I finally took a day off and just rested and it has been really good. After pushing myself hard for 2 weeks with not … Continue reading The fine line.

The rollercoaster ride of recovery.

(image is from google) It’s so frustrating to be in a valley phase of this recovery journey again. It came so unexpected with no warnings or reasoning. It started off with one day of numb and bleak feelings, which I thought it’ll go away, because it’s normal to have bad days. However it continued, from one day it became a week of just flatness. No matter what I did, it was just there. I don’t know what brought it on or why I’m in it again, but it’s frustrating as hell to be in this position again. I hate it … Continue reading The rollercoaster ride of recovery.

Raw Moments.

Raw moment // Today in chapel, I had a picture of a little girl walking with Jesus, just staring at Him in awe. Then it goes to a young girl walking on water with Jesus. She was afraid but still holding on to Jesus and Jesus was comforting her and holding her hand. Then it goes to a young lady, walking with Jesus, in a garden just chatting with Him, enjoying being in His presence. This image brought me so much comfort. And it was just like Jesus was saying to me: “Keep your eyes on Me. Take one step … Continue reading Raw Moments.

Raw moments.

Raw moment // Today I walked into chapel with a lot of my mind, my health, my future plans but mostly trying to figure out who would be there to help host and where to place them and how hosting would worked today just because it was a different layout etc. I was definitely in my task mode, which usually happens when I’m leading and serving, and when worship started, I was still in my task mode just because that’s how hosting works. Anyway half way through the 2nd song, the Holy Spirit just stopped me in my track and … Continue reading Raw moments.